-[air raid siren blaring] -[soldiers clamouring]
[explosions]
[explosion]
Close the window, Basil.
-There's a war on. -[window closes]
-Cathedral's been hit. -[sighs]
Don't think there will be much left.
Used to know someone who lived up that way.
-Long time ago. -Woman, was it?
[grunts] Two women, in fact.
Well, that doesn't surprise me.
[explosion, rumbling]
It's the end of everything, you know.
Everything we hold dear.
Democracy itself will fall.
[explosions continue]
[warbles]
Ham and cheese toastie and a pumpkin latte.
-No? -[gasps]
Okay. [chuckles]
It's locked.
Well, that door's always been locked.
What is that door?
[warbles]
Ham and cheese toastie and a pumpkin latte?
Who are you?
-Wrong room. Never mind. [chuckles] -[warbles]
[zipper opening]
Ham and cheese toastie and a pumpkin latte? [panting]
Never mind.
Um, do you have a room, please? Just for the week.
-Single? -Oh. Does it show? [chuckles]
Room, I mean.
Oh. [chuckles]
Oh. It's quite…
Well, it's um…
[receptionist] Bathroom's through here.
There it is. The en suite.
What's in here?
Oh, it's just that door, isn't it? [chuckles]
There's always a door like that in a hotel room. A funny locked one.
-Anyway, I'll go get you some towels. -[chuckles]
[fly buzzing]
Oh.
Hello. Merry Christmas.
I'm Joy. Welcome to my room.
And I thought I was going to be lonely.
[warbles]
Wh-What? [gasps]
[breathing heavily]
The star seed will bloom and the flesh will rise.
What?
-What is going on? -[warbles]
Ham and cheese toastie and a pumpkin latte?
[theme song playing]
[laughs]
[TARDIS warbles]
[yawns]
[sniffs]
[receptionist] Thank you, sir.
[Doctor] Hmm.
[machine beeps, whirring]
[guest] Hello. Is something available on the third floor?
[receptionist] First visit?
-It is, yes. -Just a moment.
Uh, sorry, sorry.
Refreshments are for hotel guests only. Are you a guest at the hotel?
Nah, not me. I bring my own room.
Just need some milk. [sighs]
Got a nav-com algorithm that homes in on fresh milk.
I mean, I could just get a fridge.
-[stammers] Sorry. -[chuckles]
-That… Is that a toilet? Or-- -Is it a what?
-You've got a newspaper. -And a coffee.
Who takes a coffee to the loo?
[stammers] Each to their own. Is somebody else in there?
N…
Ah, yes. [clicks tongue] Habit.
[inhales deeply]
I never get used to them leaving. Here.
Keep the mug. It's bigger on the inside.
[sighs] Okay.
So I just put my coat on. Why did I do that?
[the sonic beeps, whirs]
Oh, and now I'm getting the sonic.
What did I see?
Oh, yeah.
Of course. You.
Mysterious Mr You.
Right, no. No.
This box wasn't here a moment ago. How did it get here?
Special Agent Clint Rock.
I've been sent by the head office.
This goes all the way up to the top. Look, I've got my own toilet.
-Okay. -[Doctor] What's your name?
Uh, Trev, sir.
You're working for me now, Trev. Stroll with me.
Keep it casual,
like you haven't noticed anything dangerous.
-I haven't noticed anything dangerous. -Then why aren't you strolling better?
I'm pretending to not notice something I really haven't noticed.
-Okay. Right. -I haven't perfected a stroll for that.
That guy…
Mr Suit Guy, what do we think?
-That he's not doing anything. -And he keeps not doing it.
Again and again and again.
He hasn't looked up once. And he said it's his first visit.
-So? -The atrium.
I mean, check out the atrium up there.
Anyone would look up at that on their first visit.
But we're… we're not looking up.
Because we are on a top secret dangerous mission.
So what mission is he on
with a briefcase chained to his wrist?
[receptionist] I'm sorry, sir.
We can't make the room available until the contemporaneous guests vacate.
The bar is open, if you'd care to have a drink while you're waiting.
Thank you.
Okay. Are we gonna follow him?
Uh, no. I hate following people. You've got to stay at the back.
The Time Hotel.
What's that then?
Time Hotel. What does that mean?
Ooh, my goodness.
[guests chattering]
All of human history now available as minibreaks.
Is that how it works?
I thought you were from head office. Don't you know how it works?
I like to enter investigations with my mind completely blank.
-I fit in better. -Should I make my mind blank too, sir?
It may not be necessary in your case, Trev.
Okay.
So a hotel but instead of rooms, time portals, yeah?
-Yeah. -[chuckling] Oh!
-[chuckles] -Oh!
Uh, that stone door up there,
that is actual stone live from the Stone Age.
[chuckles, stammers] Live from a submarine.
Mesopotamia.
-Oh, come on. Got to be Pisa. -Yeah, Pisa.
[chuckles] "Ancient Rome",
"The Fall of Troy", "Your Favourite Assassination".
[chuckles] Package deals for all of history's biggest hits.
No wonder there was no room at the inn.
-Excuse me. -Hi.
Are there any room service menus available in the lobby?
-Of course, sir. Just a moment. -You know what?
This solves the biggest mystery in the known universe.
Why is there always an extra door in your hotel room
and why is it always locked?
'Cause that is the way to the Time Hotel.
-Speaking of no room at the inn… -Uh…
…is this Christmas?
Uh, yes. Yes, we're doing a special.
"Christmas Everywhere All At Once".
There you are. You just pay on the blue diamond.
Okay, thank you.
Right. What will it be, Trev?
A ham and cheese toastie and a pumpkin latte, huh?
[the sonic whirring]
Ham and cheese toastie and a pumpkin latte, sir.
Enjoy your light snack.
The kitchens are 30 minutes in the future.
They start preparing your food before you order it. It saves time.
-Yeah, it's still microwaved though. -Well, you can't expect miracles.
Right. I am going undercover.
You are gonna be my point man down here.
Have you got a… a radio or something?
Yeah, it's… it's implanted, sir.
Psychic graft. It's very efficient.
It still calls my mum if I forget to flush.
My code name is the Doctor.
Just say Doctor and it will put you through to me.
Tell me the minute Mr Briefcase leaves the bar.
-Okay. -I'm gonna check out the time portals.
[stammers] Why?
Because, Trev, that is where Mr Briefcase wants to go.
Lesson number one, the only meaningful way to follow someone is to get there first.
Hmm?
There. Look at me. I'm undercover.
Now, I am room service. [laughs]
Oh, right, yeah. I won't let you down, sir.
I'm sure you won't.
No, seriously. I'm on thi… [whispers] I'm on this.
This is gonna be the least I've ever let anybody down.
The star seed will bloom and the flesh will rise.
Excuse me?
Could you put my case behind the bar, please?
-[automated voice] Access upgrading. -[gasps]
[panting]
What do I do now?
Make yourself comfortable and don't attract attention.
-You should be dead quite shortly. -[gasps]
The star seed will bloom and the flesh will rise.
Trev, can you give me a hand in here?
Somebody left this case.
[Trev] What?
-[grunts] Sorry. -[automated voice] Access upgrading.
This isn't good, is it?
[shakily] Oh, no.
But I was on a mission.
[beeps, buzzes]
[computer voice] This room is not available.
While guests local to the time period are still in residence,
the room is not available to the Time Hotel.
[door beeps]
Ham and cheese toastie and a pumpkin latte.
-[gasps] -[warbling]
Ham and cheese toastie and a pumpkin latte?
[console beeping]
The star seed will bloom and the flesh will rise.
Sorry, sir.
Can I just check? You have priority access to all of the time portals, haven't you?
Yes, Trev. I'm the manager.
[automated voice] Access upgrading.
[cuff rattles]
[wind whistles]
[the sonic whirring]
-[the sonic whirring] -Trev?
-[graft beeps] -[groans, grunting]
[control beeping]
-[the sonic whirring] -[whispers] Trev?
[door closes]
[pants]
Oh, dear.
I went and let him down.
[the sonic beeps]
Ham and cheese toastie and a pumpkin latte?
Oh, hello.
Okay, you, yes.
-Good work. Keep him covered. -[stammers]
-Who are you then? -I'm Joy.
-Joy. Top name, Joy. -[stammers] Could somebody…
-Could someone just-- -[screams]
Could someone tell me what is going on?
-Well… -Why is there a l-lizard man in my room?
I'm so sorry. This has never happened before.
Question. What is in that case?
Can I see?
Look, I'm just gonna put these towels in the bathroom.
Take it.
-[automated voice] Access upgrading. -Then what happens?
Take it and all will be explained.
I do like an explanation.
Um, I'd like an explanation too.
Take it and understand.
Uh, excuse me? Hello. I would also like to understand.
-And it's my room, so… -It is actually her room.
Sorry, could you just leave this with us for a moment?
Oh, am I in the way in my own actual room?
Take the case.
We detect power in you.
Excuse me? Hello.
Well, you've got that right. Who's "we"?
Am I even in this conversation?
Look, sorry, could you just let me get on with this, please?
Sorry, am I in the way?
Oh, this is just men all over, isn't it? Even lizard men.
Oh, I know.
He's a Silurian. Don't call him a lizard man.
Yeah, but it's just a mask, isn't it?
Oh!
Are you two having a sort of game? I know all about these hotels.
The star seed will bloom and the flesh will rise.
Don't be filthy.
Okay, funny thing.
I saw someone else with that case and now you have it.
And that doesn't make any sense.
He was a guest and you're a manager according to your badge.
Pardon my French, but what the French is going on?
What happened to the first guy that had it?
Feeling peaky, is he?
Take the case and you will know.
Got to be honest. I am tempted.
Shut up, the two of you. I'm taking the case.
-No! -[manager exclaims]
-[Doctor stammers] -Oh, what's this?
-What's this on my wrist? Look at this. -[groans]
-Stay very still. Let me see. -[the sonic whirring]
I've got your towels all sorted.
Phone down to reception if you want anything else.
-Oh, thank you. You've been very kind. -Oh.
The star seed will bloom and the flesh will rise.
Oh, I know. [chuckles]
-[manager groans] -[door opens]
What do I do now?
-Your motor functions will shut down. -[door closes]
You'll be dead in two shakes of a lamb's tail.
Pop yourself on the bed before you have a nasty fall.
What do you mean dead? What are you talking about?
Careful, love. You'll scuff the counterpane.
Listen. Listen to me.
You need to focus. Hold on.
No dying. I'm not having that.
-You're a Silurian. -[beeping]
The proudest race I know. The original inhabitants of Earth.
And here you are millions of years later running the Time Hotel. I mean, wow.
[whispers] How did that happen?
Tell me your story. Cling on to your story.
[breathing heavily] I was lost in the caves.
There was a door…
this place.
They were so kind.
[whispering] Oh! Those guys…
Those guys, they helped you. I love those guys.
Stay alive for those guys.
[chuckling] It was so exciting.
[breathes shakily]
Well, that was a bit sad really, wasn't it?
[stammers]
Joy.
Joy, what happened to him will happen to you.
The star seed will bloom and the flesh will rise.
That's not you speaking.
That is an implanted idea that you think you are not allowed to question.
You are being mansplained by a briefcase.
Well, I thought I was being mansplained by you.
Honey, the Doctor's in the room. It's mansplain central.
Oh, I'm getting that.
-Do you even know what a star seed is? -Yes. Do you?
Okay, no.
You've got me there.
So let's take a look, shall we?
-[grunts] -No! Don't do that. Don't open it!
You don't even know why you are saying that.
So let's find out.
[object pulsating]
Well, what are you then, gorgeous?
[automated voice] Please reseal the star seed containment unit
within 20 seconds
or the current case holder will be disintegrated with extreme prejudice.
[beeps]
-Uh, hello, excuse me? -[shushes] I'm thinking.
-Well, could you close the case and think? -I'm a very visual person.
It's going to disintegrate me.
-Good. Good. You care about dying again. -[alarm blaring]
-That means the control has loosened. -But I'm actually going to die!
Not for several seconds. Just live in the moment.
Please just close the case.
What is this? What is this for? Why would you bring this
-to the Time Hotel? -Close it.
I feel like I'm missing something obvious.
-Close the case! -[alarm intensifies]
-Quiet, please. I don't like being rushed. -Close it! [gasps]
-There. Closed. Bags of time. -[pants]
[automated voice] To complete closure of the star seed containment unit,
please enter your four-digit security code
or the current case holder
-will be disintegrated. -[gasps]
[beeping]
Whoa. Oh, I didn't see that coming.
-Did you see that coming? -Do you know the code?
-No. Do you? -No.
I mean, four digits, that narrows it down to a possible 10,000 numbers.
-Feeling lucky? -Really not.
[grunts] I mean, the variables are never equally weighted.
I could figure out how if I just had…
-What? -Time.
-The Time Hotel. -What?
I couldn't use the TARDIS again. That would re-engage the causal nexus.
But in this hotel, the time zones are physically connected.
They're already interacting. So, in theory…
[alarm blaring]
-Come in! -Seven, two, one, four.
-Who are you?
-Him. -Me.
-[alarm stops] -Okay. Good. Oh.
It's stabilising. You're safe.
[stammers] How can there be two of you?
There aren't. He's the future. He's me after I get the code.
I'm not the future. He is the past. The future is this way.
-Come on. -No, no. How does this work?
-How do I get to be you? -The long way around.
-Yes, how long? -You'll find out.
What do I do? Where do I go?
You will find out.
[groans] Do you see, this is why nobody likes you.
You have to be mysterious all the time. That's why everyone leaves you.
-That is why you're always alone. -You have to stay here.
Complete the loop. It's the only way to get the code.
I'm gonna break the connection.
-[Joy] But how did you get the code? -It's a long story. Basically…
Jo… [gasps]
Do you know how alone you are?
You live in a great, big, giant spaceship and there aren't any chairs.
And you haven't even noticed because nobody ever comes round.
[grunts, panting]
Oh, my God. I don't have any chairs.
[panting]
[the sonic whirring]
[panting]
This is Christmas 2024, yeah?
-Yeah. -Okay.
"Christmas Eve 2025".
Okay.
So there's no way back to the Time Hotel for a whole year.
What are you on about?
Joy's gone. So is Mr Silurian.
Can I have that room for…
-Well, for a year? -A year?
And I'm gonna need money, aren't I?
Remind me, where do I get money from again?
-What is your name? -Anita.
Anita. Anita.
Anita, do you need anything doing around here?
Here we go, guys. Sorry about the delay.
-Here you are. -We… We haven't ordered yet.
Psychic paper.
[laughs] Here you go.
Here you go.
-[sighs] -Why have I got jelly and biscuits?
Like I said, psychic.
I'm on a diet.
Ah.
That's what it's picking up.
[the sonic beeping]
Okay?
Yeah.
♪ Auld lang syne ♪
-[singing continues] -What does it mean? Auld lang syne?
-Times long past. -[the sonic whirring]
That's all.
Not forgetting old friends.
[chuckles]
Who are you not phoning?
You keep looking at the phone. It's very obvious.
Nobody.
Name?
Ruby.
-Ruby Sunday. -What's the problem with Ruby?
No problem.
Just got to let people get on with their lives.
[chuckles] Yeah.
You and me. Letting people get on with their lives.
For auld lang syne.
Old friends.
It should be working fine now.
Yes, but it seems to be bigger on the inside.
Is it not supposed to be?
Blockage in 28.
Uh, is this armed?
-You said you'd fix my satnav. -I did.
It doesn't take me where I wanna go.
Ah. But it takes you where you need to go.
And why is my car blue now?
Look at that.
All lovely and golden.
I love it when the clocks go forward, don't you?
I always have.
What are all these?
Reminders.
Of home.
Where did you get them?
Online, mostly.
For some reason there's loads of them.
I like them.
They like you too.
I can tell.
[chuckling]
Anita?
Hmm?
-Have a chair. -You what?
Sit down with me.
Have a chair.
-[laughing] -I'm telling you.
-That makes no sense.
I'm not kidding.
-Can't move if you're looking at them. -But that's rubbish.
-[Doctor groaning] -[laughing]
-You know what? -What?
This is my favourite night of the week.
Yeah. [laughs]
-Chair night. -Chair night.
[Anita chuckles]
[Doctor] On the yellow. Put your foot on the yellow.
-[Anita] I can't. I'm all twisted. -[Doctor] It's called Twister.
[both laugh]
-[Doctor] Miss Scarlett? -[Anita] Yeah.
-In the kitchen with the lead piping. -[Doctor laughs]
Your go.
Anita, this door…
do any other rooms here have doors like this?
They're mostly cupboards.
Well, except in the honeymoon suite.
Show me right now.
[the sonic whirring]
You see, the connection to the Time Hotel isn't active.
I can't get through.
Not a clue what he's talking about.
-You guys? -[Doctor] I guess I just have to wait.
I hate waiting. Don't you?
[both] Yes.
[music playing on radio]
What are you waiting for?
-Sorry, what? -You always say you're waiting.
-What for? -Nothing.
[chuckles] Nothing.
[birds chirping]
I don't like it when the clocks go back. Do you?
No.
Oh, he would've loved this, you know.
-Who? -Guy.
-Who's Guy? -Guy Fawkes.
-The guy who tried to blow up parliament… -Oh. [laughs]
…you know, the fireworks are for him.
-[chuckles] -[chuckles] He's not your boyfriend then?
I don't have a boyfriend.
[scoffs] Yeah, boyfriends. Who needs them, right?
Right.
[Anita chuckles]
["Silent Night" playing]
[music fades]
So you're not going to be here for Christmas then?
Sneaking off without saying goodbye?
Just, uh… Just off for a few days.
I've heard that one before.
[laughs]
Anita… [stammers] I-I…
[stammers] …have a slightly complicated life.
[gasps] Oh, God. You're married, aren't you?
-No. No. It's not that. [laughs] -Ah, oh. [chuckles]
[stammers] It's just, uh, I don't usually live like this.
One day after the other… [stammers] …in the right order.
And I always wondered what it would be like.
And do you know what it was like?
Amazing.
[Anita sighs]
[chuckles] And you know why it was amazing?
-You. -Ah, don't.
-[chuckles] Don't-- -A whole year of you.
Wow.
Everyone who knows you is so lucky.
I bet you they tell you that all the time.
[clicks tongue] Just the once actually.
Just the one guy. [chuckles]
But I have things to do.
Promises to keep.
I always knew you were going.
-I always knew that. I did. -I know.
-You look after yourself, okay? -[groans]
[inhales sharply] Never be alone at Christmas.
You don't need to be 'cause I'll be right here.
Anita at the Sandringham.
[shakily] Think of me sometimes.
For auld lang syne.
[warbling]
[whirring]
-[past Doctor] Come in! -Seven, two, one, four.
-Who are you?
-Him. -Me.
-[alarm stops] -Okay. Good. Oh.
-It's stabilising. You're safe. -How can there be two of you?
There aren't. He's the future. He's me after I get the code.
I'm not the future. He is the past. The future is this way.
-Come on. -No, no. How does this work?
-How do I get to be you? -The long way around.
-[past Doctor] Yes, how long? -You'll find out.
-What do I do? Where do I go? -[gasps]
You will find out.
[past Doctor groans] Do you see, this is why nobody likes you.
You have to be mysterious all the time. That's why everyone leaves you,
-why you are always alone. -You have to stay here.
Complete the loop. It's the only way to get the code.
I'm gonna break the connection.
-But how did you get the code? -It's a long story.
But basically…
[past Doctor] Do you know how alone you are?
…I heard myself say it a year ago, and I remembered it.
-I don't… I can't-- -[Doctor] Bootstrapping,
it's weird, I know.
I mean, basically, the code came from nowhere.
But then so did the universe and no one complains about that.
Uh… but… [stutters] …you never got the code.
[stutters] When did you get the code?
What, you just time-travelled and told yourself?
No time travel involved. That would cause a paradox.
In this hotel, the time zones are already physically linked.
They're paradox-proof.
-Just breaking the connection. -[door buzzes]
When you explain things, do people feel any better?
-Not usually, no. -Mmm.
Take care, you. Be kind. You'll miss her.
The star seed.
Yes. Yes, the star seed.
Oh, I have had a long time to think about it.
Several seconds, in fact, and I'm pretty sure I've figured it out.
I even know why they need the Time Hotel.
The star seed will bloom and the flesh will rise.
I resealed that case, now it is reasserting control.
Joy. You need to fight it, Joy.
[sighs]
The assassination of Julius Caesar.
Well, that won't do, will it?
So you're scouting for the right time zone.
My room wasn't far enough back in time.
Neither is this.
-I think we'll need the top floor. -For what?
Do you even understand what you're trying to accomplish?
Yes.
Okay. Okay. Here's what I worked out.
Inside that case, inside some sort of quantum-sealed container,
is a single atom,
and in that atom, a chain reaction has already begun.
Do you know what that chain reaction will lead to?
The star seed will bloom.
A star will be born, yes.
Big burny bang. In theory.
But no one's ever been able to test that theory because it would take too long.
Thousands of years, maybe more, no one knows.
You do like to talk, don't you?
So if you were some big old corporation in a big old hurry,
and you wanted a custom-built,
made-to-measure star for your own personal energy source,
you would need one thing, yeah.
Time. And here we are. In the Time Hotel.
Pop your case in one time zone, walk along the corridor
to another time zone thousands of years later,
-ding, ding, ding… -[elevator door dings]
…you just microwaved a star.
[sighs]
-Going up. -[doors close]
Oh, do you know what else I worked out, Joy?
You.
[laughs] Ah, I just spent a year in a hotel room that you chose.
Do you know what you can tell about a person
-from the hotel room that they choose? -Nothing.
Everything.
So you see, a house, that's a… that's a disguise.
It's a fortress. You can… You can hide yourself away
with… with pictures and flowers and tables. But…
A hotel room?
That's you without make-up.
It's what you think you need.
It's what you're willing to accept.
Not a selfie that you posed for, more like catching yourself in the mirror.
What's your mirror telling you, Joy?
Because your room was the worst, loneliest,
saddest hotel room in the world.
What kind of person, what kind of sad sack,
human train wreck puts themself in a room like that at Christmas?
[breathes shakily]
-[elevator dings] -[doors open]
Question for you. Seriously.
When you tell people your name, do they laugh?
Excuse me?
When you come in, all smiles and apologies,
and don't-mind-mes, and you say "I'm Joy,"
does everybody burst out laughing?
When your mother looked into your squishy little baby face
and named you Joy, was it a joke, do you think?
Was she having a laugh?
Don't you dare talk about my mother.
I would love to meet her. She sounds like a riot.
-She's dead! -[clicks tongue]
She died in hospital.
I couldn't even visit. I had to talk to her on an iPad!
-Because of the rules. -Oh, the rules.
Yes, the rules.
[Doctor] I bet you're good at obeying those rules.
Funny, smiley, I'll-be-no-trouble little you.
Don't you say that.
Don't you say that!
-[birds chirping] -[monkeys chattering]
[breathes shakily]
Never mind poor old Mum, right?
As long as her good little girl is obeying all the rules.
[chain clatters]
She died on Christmas Day.
On Christmas Day!
And I said goodbye on an iPad! Because of the rules.
She died alone.
And those awful people, and their wine fridges,
and their dancing and their parties and I listened to them
and I let my mother die alone!
[whimpering] I can never be home on Christmas Day,
and I can never be with anyone on Christmas Day
because I let her down.
I let her down on the last day of her life,
on Christmas Day.
I can't ever change that. I can't ever change it.
[crying]
Mums, eh?
[breathes shakily]
Even when they're gone, they never stop saving us.
Look, Joy.
Look what's not in your hand.
Why did you do that?
I'm sorry, yeah?
Made you angry to wake you up.
It's kind of like post-hypnotic suggestion.
You can break it down with strong emotion.
[the sonic whirring]
-Had to be anger, did it? -With you, definitely.
[whirring stops]
All that rage, bubbling away, just below the surface.
Have you seen your smile?
Like the lid on a boiling pot.
Thank you.
You're thinking that maybe that wasn't a good way to save your life.
Let me tell you something. There's no such thing as a bad way.
I'm sorry, Joy.
It was beautiful.
I was a star.
That's the conditioning talking.
It will pass.
I am not the bad guy here, Joy.
Let's meet the bad guys.
Wherever there's a corporation, there is PR.
They just can't stop themselves. Evil must logo.
Conflict solutions?
Villengard. [laughs]
Ah, biggest arms manufacturer in recorded history.
-Very old enemies of mine. -But… [stammers, sighs]
…why would a weapons manufacturer want to make a star?
[automated voice] Villengard Q & A activated.
Villengard is engaged in the creation of a customisable energy source,
which is functionally infinite.
And definitionally insane.
Doctor, that voice, I know that voice.
Hello, again.
My consciousness has been uploaded to the communication interface
for user convenience.
If a star seed goes boom anywhere on Earth,
at any point in history, it will burn every living thing.
Tell that to your users.
Villengard respects the collateral sacrifice
made by all participating innocent life forms…
-[creature growling] -…regardless of race, species,
-or belief system. -The thing is,
you've got your sums all wrong.
I've been scanning your star seed, and you don't have enough time.
-Nowhere near enough time to grow a star. -[thudding]
Doctor.
I mean, clever idea, the Time Hotel.
But human history's only a few thousand years long,
you're gonna need a lot longer than that.
Like way longer.
According to my calculations…
[Joy] Doctor.
…you would need to check into the Time Hotel 65 million years ago.
-[Joy screams] -[grunting]
-[exclaims]
[roaring]
[swallows]
Oh, French.
[dinosaur growls]
[Joy whimpering]
-[both screaming] -[roars]
[Doctor pants]
[roaring]
[Doctor grunting]
-[jazz music playing on gramophone] -Go, go, go, go.
[pants]
-[roars] -[gasps]
[Joy screams, exclaims]
-[gasps] You okay? -[whimpers] Yeah.
-Yeah? -Yeah.
-Okay. Okay. -[panting]
Many things about this are suboptimal.
Uh. So… So… [stammers] …dinosaurs.
They were about, uh, 65 million years ago, yeah?
Fine, bring that up, why don't you? That speech was going really well!
[stuttering] So that means about now, about my time
the whole world is going to burn.
But that wouldn't be part of the plan.
Villengard would have to pick up the case again just before detonation.
How would they find it?
They would have to send a signal.
-Okay, where to? -To you.
To the last case carrier,
they would send a telepathic message to you.
[sighs] But… [stammers] …I'm not getting a message.
Because the link got severed.
I forced a break. I damaged the connection.
I screwed up, Joy. I screwed up.
-[breathes deeply] -[the sonic beeps, whirs]
[stutters] What's that buzzing noise?
Uh… Uh, Doctor, your-your thing is buzzing.
Listen, all of me is pretty stressed.
No, your… [stammers] …zappy thing.
This… This is a sonic screwdriver. Actually, zappy thing makes more sense.
Oh.
-[the sonic beeps] -[yelps, exclaims]
Hello, sir, Trev Simpkins reporting for duty.
Trev?
Hello again, sir.
I hope it's all going well.
My mission is proceeding broadly as planned,
and I have exceeded my personal expectations,
which is giving me considerable satisfaction
and renewed hope for the future.
However, I'm dead.
You're what? Sorry… [stammers] …you're what?
I'm part of the star now, sir.
My consciousness has been uploaded to the Villengard communication interface.
-You're inside the star? -Yes, sir.
Inside the star, inside the briefcase, inside the dinosaur?
Well, the afterlife has not been without incident, sir.
How are you even talking to me?
The psychic graft has been duplicated virtually.
I was able to connect it to the briefcase communication software.
That was very clever.
Well, I've had several million years to work it out.
-[chuckles] -Sir,
-the star seed is about to detonate. -[gasps]
We have to get it off-world.
Why would you be helping me? You're part of Villengard now.
As I told you a very long time ago, I will not let you down, sir.
-Trev, I love you. -[chuckles]
-Oh. -I actually…
-[chuckles] -…really, physically love you, Trev.
Thanks.
But I need you to tell me exactly when and where you are.
I know that you're stuck inside there, but the case will have sensors.
Can you access air density, humidity, temperature,
rotational mavity, anything I can use to narrow it down?
I'll run those numbers straight away, sir.
-Oh. -Great, brilliant, Trev--
Oh, uh, but in the meantime, if it helps,
we're in Room 48.
-Yes, yes. -[gasps]
That helps quite a lot, Trev. Thank you!
Okay. Okay, I think we've located you, Trev.
Stand by, I am on the case.
Standing by, sir.
Oh. Then the case is inside that? How did it get there?
Well, eventually, the dinosaur would have thrown it up or deposited it.
Either way, it would've lain around for millions of years,
hijacking any living thing that passed it by.
This structure is man-made, so we're a long time later.
But it's a shrine.
Uh-huh. The case emits a psychic field. It possesses people.
It's basically how you start a religion.
It's getting warm.
Trev, how long till star detonation?
Four-and-a-half millennia, sir.
Do you wanna run those numbers again, Trev?
Uh… four-and-a-half minutes, sir.
-Oh, great! -What?
Bags of time. Thanks for that, Trev.
-[stammers] What are you gonna do? -[grunts]
What's the plan? How do you stop a star blooming?
-Throw it into space using a phone box. -A what?
-Rope. -Rope?
Rope! Oh, I need rope. I saw rope. Where did I see rope?
[groans] Just wait! Just wait right there.
I am very, very good with rope. [chuckles]
[murmuring]
This is the most technical climb.
Now if the weather holds…
You! What are you doing?
What the devil are you doing? Why are you taking that equipment?
Because it was there. [sighs]
-[warbling] -Sorry!
Hello again. Coming through.
[grunting, panting]
[the sonic whirs]
-[grunting] -[train whistle blows]
[grunting]
[grunts]
[exclaims]
[wheels screeching]
[rope creaking]
[gasps]
[wheels screeching]
[yelps]
[train whistle blows]
[panting]
[briefcase whirs]
[star seed pulsating]
It's okay.
Don't worry.
You're going to be fine.
We can do this.
You and I.
I want you to live.
[grunting]
You are better off without him. His sentence structure is appalling.
I wrote this letter.
Great letter. You should send it to him.
-To her. -Glad I could help.
Trev. Trev, how long have we got?
-Sorry, sorry. -[guests exclaiming]
-[Trev] Sorry. It's about to detonate. -[grunting, panting]
Joy!
[grunts, panting]
Joy!
[panting]
Joy.
[light pulsating]
I was hoping you'd come back to say goodbye.
You're very lovely, you know?
Joy.
Joy, the star seed--
Is in me now.
It's in all of us.
Mission complete, sir.
[gasps]
The star seed will bloom.
But don't worry, we'll be far from here, deep in the sky.
No one will be hurt.
-[panting] -You know what?
I think I'm saving the world.
Joy, I am supposed to be saving you.
I will not allow Villengard to do this to you, not to any of you!
Villengard are nothing.
We're far beyond them now.
Listen, you don't understand.
Joy, you will burn. You will die.
Don't be silly.
Of course I won't.
I'm not dying.
I'm changing.
I'm saving something beautiful.
The flesh will rise and the star will shine.
I will shine.
Everywhere and forever.
[breathes shakily]
And sometimes, my funny little Doctor, on you.
Because you need to change too.
Excuse me?
My hotel room.
All those things you said about me.
Joy, I…
I just had to make you angry, I told you.
Everything you said was true.
All of it. But, Doctor… [sighs] …you stayed in that room for a year.
[chuckles]
It wasn't so bad.
Nice chairs.
[chuckles]
You need to find a friend.
Do that.
Go and find one, now.
I'll be watching.
[chuckles]
You see, Doctor? You see?
My mum was right, wasn't she?
She was right all along.
I'm Joy!
And I'm gonna see her again. And she's gonna be with me.
[chuckles]
[gasps]
-[chuckling] -[all clear siren blaring]
There's hope, you know.
We've got to cling on to that.
There's still hope.
I think the weather will hold, my friend.
Of course it will.
It's in the stars.
[chuckles]
[phone buzzing]
Hi, Mum.
-[door opens] -[warbling]
You come highly recommended.
By an old friend of yours, I believe.
Would you be interested in working at the Time Hotel?
[Joy] Mum, I'll see you soon.
-I'll see you very soon. -[heart monitor beeping]
As soon as this nonsense is over. I'll be right in there.
You be brave.
[gasps]
Merry Christmas.
And I can't wait to see you properly.
Bye.
[breathes shakily]
[cries]
[shakily] Joy.
Oh, of course.
Joy.
Of course you are. You are Joy.
[chuckles]
Joy to the world!
[theme song playing]
[song continues]